


Should I falter

by BronzeDragon13



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Estrangement, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:20:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 21,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24422659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BronzeDragon13/pseuds/BronzeDragon13
Summary: Buck swore that he would never go back to Pennsylvania. Then his mom died and, surprise, surprise, guess where he was going? Not thinking things through was going to come back and bite him in the ass one of these days.
Relationships: Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Henrietta "Hen" Wilson/Karen Wilson, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 103
Kudos: 406
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for past child abuse; there will be another warning before that chapter. Also, this story links up with other chapters that I have written before. For clarification, chapters 3, 19, and 38 in Fireside Stories and chapter 18 from Embers and Fireglow :)

Phone calls at two am in the morning never bring good news. Shaken from sleep, Buck fumbled around for his cell phone, hand missing several times before he managed to grab it. Buck quickly rolled out of bed, causing Eddie to moan in displeasure as the covers were disturbed, and stepped into the bathroom; he would have gone into the hall or living room, but he didn’t want to risk waking Christopher up. Bleary eyed, Buck flicked the light on and hit green icon on his iPhone screen.

“Hello?” Buck tried to keep his voice down, in an effort not to alert Eddie any more than he probably was, despite how in tune Eddie was to him when he left the bed.

“Buck? Did you check your mail today?” Maddie’s voice came over the speaker, causing him to frown, and he pulled back enough to double check the time.

“Maddie? It’s, like, two in the morning? Is something wrong?” There was a pause, which had Buck holding his breath, before Maddie spoke again.

“No, just,” Maddie huffed over the line and Buck leaned against the bathroom countertop. “Go check your mail, please.” It was late, or early depending on how early the day started, and Buck was tired.

“Maddie, can this wait until morning? It’s been a long day.” Their shift had been insanely busy. By the time Christopher was in bed, homework done and checked, and the meager amount of housework that needed to be completed finished, Eddie and he were running on fumes.

“Just check your mail, Evan, right now.” Maddie ordered. “Stay on the line with me.”

Buck sighed, mourned the loss of his bed, and flicked the bathroom light off before stepping back out into the bedroom. Eddie was awake, sitting against the headboard with the table lamp turned on, arms crossed and curious. Buck shrugged at him, then quietly made his way down to the kitchen. On the counter was the mail, left in a pile from when Eddie stepped out to get it, neither of them having sorted it out yet.

“Is there something I should be looking for?” Buck heard the telltale signs of Eddie padding down the hall behind him and seconds later a pair of warm arms wrapped around his waist. “Mads?” Something was wrong; it might have been a gut instinct, or perhaps just years of being siblings with Maddie, but Buck knew something was up. His sister did not make social calls in the middle of the night and definitely not ones as vague as this.

“You’ll know it when you see it,” Maddie answered cryptically. Buck flipped through the pile. There were bills, a card from one of Eddie’s sisters, a children’s magazine for Christopher. It was on the bottom of the stack, the manila envelope now sticking out like a sore thumb, and Buck felt his mouth go dry when he saw the returning address. Pennsylvania. Not many people would be mailing him stuff from the other side of the country.

“Let me put you on speaker for a second,” Buck put his phone down, Eddie hitting the speaker button, and Maddie kept quiet, not needing a reminder to not let Christopher hear them. Buck grabbed the envelope, carefully opening it, and then pulled out a stack of papers. The first few lines didn’t make much sense. He read it once, then twice, and then left the papers fall out of his hands to scatter on the countertop.

“Maddie,” Buck couldn’t stop staring at the words on the page. Living will. Inheritance. Benefiters in the event of death. “Why do I have a deed of inheritance sitting in front of me?”

His father had never gotten back on his feet after his mother left the first time; jobs became scarce, nothing ever sticking for longer than a few months, and whatever savings the man did have was spent on alcohol and other things. Buck had learned to hide his money away at a young age. The problem was that his father had been dead for close to seven months now. There had been nothing from him, especially not through a lawyer, not that Buck or Maddie had been expecting anything.

Their mother, on the other hand, had done well for herself once she cut out her husband and two kids. She was a successful business woman, travelling constantly, making a name for herself and becoming more like a stranger to those who should have known her the best.

“I got one as well. I know it’s late, but can you come over? Please?” Buck glanced at the clock. It was bordering close to three now. He had a shift at nine, and Christopher would be waking up in a few hours, not to mention he was bone tired from work. Even before he spoke aloud, Buck knew his answer, and if the look Eddie gave him was any indication, so did he.

“Let me grab some stuff for work and I’ll head over.”

“I’ll get the coffee started.” Maddie promised and hung up. Eddie pulled him in close, not pressing him for information, which was great since Buck didn’t have much to offer. The relationship, or lack thereof, with his parents was complicated, something that Eddie understood.

“Why don’t you get changed and I’ll grab your work stuff for you?” Eddie suggested gently.

Buck nodded wordlessly, shuffling back to their bedroom, casting a mournful look at Christopher’s door. Buck never liked leaving in the middle of the night. Christopher had been sleeping well, only having a nightmare once in a while, and if he did it wasn’t at the same degree as they had been in the past. That said, he tended to dream about losing them; sometimes Eddie, sometimes Buck, sometimes Shannon. Water was almost always involved, which made getting cleaned up in the morning a struggle at times, and Christopher wouldn’t settle until he saw that both his parents were safe.

“I’ll tell Chris that you had to go help Maddie,” Eddie reassured him, placing his hand at the base of his back, gently pushing him along. They didn’t flick on the main room lights, instead clicking on the other bedside lamp, and Buck quickly threw on a pair of discarded jeans and a shirt. Eddie tossed him a sweater as he packed Buck’s duffle; his navy blues, hoodie, and any toiletries Buck would need to get ready. “Text me when you get there, alright?”

“Okay,” Buck allowed himself a moment to pause, to savor Eddie pressed up against him, hands cupping his face and staring at him in lightly veiled concern. “I’ll call before Christopher heads to school.” Eddie walked him to the door, Buck shoving the papers back into its envelope, and made his way down to his car.

There was hardly any traffic on the way to Maddie’s and soon he was puling into the little condo parking lot. The porch light was on. Quickly texting Eddie to let him know that he had made it safely, Buck got out of the Jeep, wincing as he instinctively hit the lock button and the beep echoed over the otherwise silent street. Using the spare key Maddie had given him, Buck slipped inside, seamlessly dropping his bag by the door, before taking off his shoes.

Maddie was waiting at the table, clutching a mug, and Buck saw that the coffee pot was already half empty. A matching envelope was on the table. Buck tossed his on the table, opening his arms just as Maddie stood and crashed into them. Buck was taller than Maddie but that didn’t make her hugs any less grounding. Neither of them talked, just stood there in the kitchen for who knew how long, before Maddie broke away to pass him a mug. Buck wordlessly poured the coffee, grabbing Maddie’s at the last moment, and then sat down.

Buck tapped his fingers against the table, trying to find the words to start this conversation, and finding none.

“Inheritances come when people die, usually,” Buck blurted out. Maddie’s head jerked up as she waited for him to continue. “I know Dad left us nothing, and if anything was supposed to go to us, it’s gone now. Mom, though, both of us know she’s on top of all that stuff.”

Buck knew more about pensions, 401ks, and stock investments by the time he was twelve than he did about his own parents. He could recite the numbers, predict how much would be sitting in the accounts by the end of the year, rather than bet on when he would next see his mother.

“I know. Have you looked through it?” Maddie thumbed some of the pages, words upon words, each sentence driving home the point that their mother was gone. “She left us everything. The accounts, the house, everything.”

Buck sat back, lips thinning in anger, not giving a damn amount what those pages contained. He didn’t want money, or property, or any other materialistic stuff his mother had collected over the years. None of that could make up for the time wasted and thrown away.

“What do we have to do to get rid of it?” Buck asked and Maddie shook her head, looking as lost as he felt, and reached over to grasp the last page in the pile.

“Technically it isn’t legally ours yet. We have to meet with the lawyer, sign a bunch of stuff, then we can decide. Buck, we have to make a decision about this.” This was not how he wanted his night to go. Not spending it sitting up, talking to his sister about their fucking inheritance from an absent parent, wondering what they were supposed to do now.

“We have to go back, don’t we?” Buck hadn’t been in Pennsylvania since he was a few days past his eighteenth birthday. He had left no forwarding address, told none of his relatives, except Maddie. Not that most of their cared to hunt him down; after that disastrous summer, Buck was done with them all. “When do we leave?”

Maddie got up, swiped some paper from the printer, and held it out to them. Plane tickets to Hershey in three days’ time. Buck would tell Bobby in the morning.

“I thought it was better to get it over with.” Maddie said. “I booked us a hotel room and I’ll let work know.” It spoke a lot about how similar they thought; Buck told Maddie, if they ever had to go back, that they’d go together. Call them cynical or paranoid, neither of them could trust anyone else but each other in the that own, not after everything that happened.

“I’ll tell Bobby before my shift. At least I’m using my vacation time for something.”

They resolved to tell their partners in the morning; Chimney was asleep upstairs, Eddie likely the same across town, so the siblings made their way over to the couch. The TV was put on, clicked over to mute, and they watched the screen with unseeing eyes. Around six, they heard movement upstairs, and Chimney came down to find his girlfriend and friend on the couch. Buck ushered Maddie off to get dressed, telling Chimney the abridged version of what had happened, before swapping to get himself ready.

Understandably, Chimney was worried, insisting on coming with them. Maddie shut it down; Chimney meant a lot, to both of them, and neither of them wanted him anywhere near Hershey.

“We’ll be back in a few days,” Buck explained. “All we’ll be doing is sitting in some boring office, signing papers, then leaving.”

If the stubborn look on Chimney’s face was anything to go by, this wouldn’t be the last time they discussed it; the interaction didn’t fill Buck with confidence about telling Eddie. Maddie left for work, Buck trailing behind her, deciding to go to the station early. Mainly to talk to Bobby before anyone else got it, and secondly because he was in no state to go back home and see Christopher, not when he was this numb and confused. Turning his car on, Buck pulled out, driving on autopilot to the station, trying to get his mind back in order.

There would be time later for him to break down, not right now, not when Buck still had to do things. Idly, he wondered why he thought anything would change, why he thought his parents were done screwing up their lives. Even from the grave.


	2. Chapter 2

Realistically, Buck knew that he didn’t have to go back to Pennsylvania. He could outright refuse to go, could tell the lawyer that he had no interest in whatever effects their mother had left behind, and continue on with his life. The problem was that Maddie was insistent on going, and Buck loved his sister, so letting her go alone was out of the question. It would be fine, probably, Buck had endured years in that place; a few days would be nothing compared to that.

The station was quiet, the night shift just finishing up, and Buck noticed that Bobby was in his office, so he dropped his bag off and made his way up the stairs. Knocking on the door frame, Buck waited until Bobby looked up from his paperwork, before coming in.

“Morning Buck, you’re in early today,” Bobby wasn’t surprised to see him this early in the morning; the station was practically a second home to Buck these days. “Everything alright?”

“Actually, I just wanted to give you a heads up that I’ll be putting in for a few days off. Maddie and I have to go out of town, I’ll be back by the start of next week,” Buck didn’t like taking time off, it was easier now with Eddie and Chris, and he still had plenty of time left to use for the year. Bobby frowned, aware that Buck didn’t take time off for no reason, and Buck tried not to squirm.

“Everything alright?” It was an out, one that Buck would be stupid not to take, so he came out with it.

“We have to go back to Pennsylvania. I know we have no obligation to go,” Buck rushed to say when Bobby opened his mouth. “It’s the only way to do this, Bobby, for closure or whatever.”

There had been a lot of that in his life lately. With his dad, with Abby, and now this thing with his mom. Buck was tired, all he wanted was the ghosts of his past to stay gone, to stop messing with his life. There was still a lot that he couldn’t talk about, or more like wouldn’t talk about, which made stuff like this difficult.

“I won’t tell you that I’m happy with this,” Bobby said. The older man had never been quiet on his thoughts of the Buckley parents. In the beginning, Buck had been defensive, refusing to see that his treatment as a child was wrong. “And you said that Maddie is going with you?” Buck nodded.

“She’s the one that planned this whole thing. We won’t go without each other, Bobby, that was decided years ago.”

With telling Bobby out of the way, all that was left was to talk to Eddie and Christopher, which would likely suck just as much. Eddie, for his own reasons and ability to see some similarities with his own parents, detested anything that implied Buck getting involved with his estranged family. Christopher, who hadn’t been told the whole story, didn’t completely understand why Buck didn’t talk about his parents. If Buck had any say in it, Chris would never know, he didn’t need to be exposed to that. There were parts to his, and Maddie’s, childhood that would never see the light of day.

There would be no talking about it, some memories too sharp to remember, and Buck was happy now. Or, happier than he had been; to bring all that up seemed pointless. Especially since most of the people that cause it were long gone. Buck found a quiet spot in the loft and called his boys, which was answered immediately, Christopher’s face filling the screen.

“Morning, Buck!” Christopher chirped. Buck couldn’t help but smile, Christopher never failing to make him feel better, and returned the greeting. “Dad said you had to go help Maddie, are you going to pick me up from school today?”

“You bet, Chris, I’ll see you after school.” They talked a little longer, stopping when Eddie sent Chris off to finish getting ready, before his boyfriend focused on him.

“Everything work out?” Eddie asked.

“We can talk about it when I see you,” Buck refused to have this conversation through a phone screen. Even if it resulted with Eddie getting angry, which it would undoubtedly, and Buck figured that it would be better to get it over with.

“That sounds ominous.” Eddie grumbled. “Alright then, we’ll talk in a bit, I’ll see you soon.”

Buck headed down to get changed, then he walked back up to the loft, too keyed up to work out and not hungry enough to raid the fridge. Eddie walked in some time later, eyes scanning around for him, before coming over to the couch where Buck had planted himself. With the night shift trickling out, the loft was quiet, and Eddie sat down beside him.

“You doing okay? It doesn’t look like you got a lot of sleep,” Eddie asked, hand moving to rest on Buck’s shoulder, and Buck sighed.

“I tried, couldn’t get my brain to shut off, so Maddie and I just stayed up.”

“Are you ready to tell me what last night was about?” One of the first things that Buck and Eddie had talked about after getting together was how to improve their communication; nearly all their fights stemmed from a lack of talking, withholding information or downplaying hurt emotions.

“Maddie and I have to go to Pennsylvania. I got approval for a few days of leave from Bobby.” Buck said. Eddie frowned, grip tightening, and Buck waited for his partner to start ranting. It didn’t take long.

“Are you serious? Both of you are going back?” Eddie hissed. “Buck, come on man, you don’t have to go back there, you don’t owe anyone anything, why would you think this was a good idea?”

“It’s a closure thing,” Buck said, repeating some of the words he told Bobby. “Eddie, the two of us are pretty sure our mom is dead. Anyone that could hurt us there is buried six feet under or isn’t going to go through the effort to try.”

It was the first time he said the words out loud. In less than a year, he had lost both his parents, his final memories of them filled with yelling and loathing. Buck had always known that there was a possibility that both of his parents would die without resolving any of the trauma that had befallen their children. It was something that Buck was at peace with; generally, he wasn’t used to people apologizing, so it wasn’t that big of a loss. Eddie, who was stiff alongside him, pulled him into a hug.

“I’ll get a plane ticket, fly out with you,” Eddie started. Buck shook his head, sinking into the hug, enjoying it since Eddie didn’t like any PDA while they were at work.

“Christopher needs you here and we won’t be there that long.” Buck disagreed. “I know you want to be there for me, Eddie, and you are. Just, I don’t want you anywhere near there, and when I come back you can smother me all you want.” It was a weak argument but something must have shown in his eyes since Eddie didn’t push.

Once work picked up, it was easy for Buck to turn his brain off; there was safety in his job, the familiarity of the tasks and doing something that he was good at. It was clear that the rest of their friends knew something was up, Chimney having a laser gaze on him, and Eddie stuck close to his side. No one asked about it, sensing that Buck would come to them in time, though they expressed their concern in other unspoken ways.

Hen and he played video games during their down time, Hen offering up the good controller without question, and Buck noticed she didn’t complain too much about the glitches that came from the other one. Chimney wrapped him up in a hug towards the end of their shift, which Buck didn’t fight, and waited the other man out.

“I don’t like this,” He said. “But, you two are so stubborn and if this is what it takes to put all of that behind you, then so be it.”

“We’ll be alright, Chim, I swear,” Buck knew that there would be ramifications for this, which he wasn’t sure of at the moment, but he would deal with it. Asking for help was still uncomfortable, Buck’s brain constantly thinking that he didn’t deserve it, and he was grateful for his friend’s endless patience.

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it. Don’t be surprised if Eddie doesn’t let you out of the house after this.” Chimney pointed out.

Buck wouldn’t put it past his boyfriend. Their shift was uneventful and soon Buck was on his way to Christopher’s school. Eddie was heading back to their house. Christopher booked it over to him when he spotted Buck in the pick up line, crashing into his legs, arms going tight around him for a hug.

“I missed you this morning.” Christopher said as they walked over to the jeep.

“I miss you, too, Superman.” Buck replied. “I didn’t want to leave you last night.”

“Dad said you had to go help Maddie,” Christopher climbed up onto the seat, Buck setting his bookbag down on the ground, watching as the kid clicking the seatbelt in.

“I did.” Buck paused. “Hey, buddy, Maddie and I have to go on a short trip together in a few days.”

“Are we going with you?” Christopher frowned when Buck said no, waiting for Buck to explain, and as he pulled back into traffic Buck tried to find the best way to word it. “Why can’t I go with you?” Christopher asked.

“Well, it’s going to be a long plane ride and we won’t be doing anything fun, Chris,” Buck said. “You have school, bud, and we won’t be gone long anyway.”

“Where are you going? Is Dad going with you?”

“No, your dad is staying here with you,” Buck clicked his blinker on, merging into the right lane, and made the turn. “I have to go to Pennsylvania, Chris.” It was impressive how hard Christopher could scowl.

“No!” Christopher shouted. “You can’t go back there!”

“Chris, sometimes adults have to do things they don’t want to do. I can’t let Maddie go by herself,” Buck hated making Christopher upset. And the little boy was clearly upset, lip turned down, arms crossed, the picture of displeasure.

“No, you’ll be sad and we won’t be there to make it better.”

Christopher was a bright kid, clever when it came to others, and he was able to come to the conclusion that anything relating to Buck’s parents or Pennsylvania made him sad. Christopher’s solution to that was to aggressively love him, heaping hugs and pictures onto Buck, wanting to communicate his love in every possible way. Buck, who hadn’t been so fiercely cared for in a long time, by anyone that wasn’t Maddie, was often speechless.

“I know you want to be there, Chris, I do. But it isn’t going to be a fun trip and it isn’t one I want you to have to take.” Buck glanced in the rear-view mirror. “I’ll have you and your dad to come home to, that’s something to look forward to, Chris.”

“It won’t be the same,” Christopher argued. “I can’t hug you when you get sad. You said I give the best hugs. And dad will be upset.” Buck being sad was the easiest way to explain the bouts of depression that sometimes cropped up. Christopher’s solution was to offer hugs.

“You can save them all up and give them to me when I get back.” Buck offered. Christopher shook his head.

“No, we need to go with you, Buck.”

Christopher’s sour mood continued for the rest of the car ride, carrying over into the house, as he rushed by Eddie before disappearing into his room. Buck felt miserable; causing Christopher to get upset was something that never failed to tear him to shreds inside. Judging from the pinched expression on Eddie’s face as he greeted him at the door, it was mutual. Buck knew that the rest of the week was going suck and he hadn’t even left yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are awesome! Thanks for showing this story some love, leave a comment if you wish :)


	3. Chapter 3

Things continued to sour at home. Christopher’s bad mood carried over through the night, resulting in a tantrum the following morning, as he pushed away breakfast and threw his bookbag on the ground. Eddie, who had been over the attitude from the moment Christopher woke up and slammed the bathroom door shut, switched on the stern parent face and told Chris that his movie privileges for the night were on the line unless his behavior changed.

That only made it worse. Christopher was angry at Eddie and point blank refused to let Buck out of his sight. By then, it was time for them to leave the house; Christopher needed to get to school and he and Eddie had work. Finally, Eddie had enough. Tossing Buck’s car keys to him, Eddie dropped his work bag.

“Go ahead of me, both of us can’t be late. I’ll call Bobby and explain the situation.” Buck didn’t like it, not when Christopher was acting so unlike himself, but he understood.

The drive to the fire house was awful. Buck wanted to turn around, or call out, or anything that would fix this. Buck knew that him leaving with Maddie might not be the whole cause of what was happening. It did, however, trigger something in Christopher that was making him act this way. Despite Eddie saying that he would call ahead, Buck talked to Bobby, who looked concerned but didn’t press for more information.

Buck tried to keep himself busy; he helped Bobby with breakfast, let Hen boss him around while they restocked the ambulance, even listened to Chimney rant about his displeasure about the new movie, Cats. Eddie still hadn’t shown up and Buck was obsessively checking his phone and listening for the sound of his partner walking through the station. About an hour later, he got a text message, telling him that Eddie had called out. That was not a good sign. They had limited calls that day, which meant that by the time Buck’s shift was over, he was tense.

“You sure everything is alright?” Bobby asked. For the most part, Buck’s friends hadn’t tried to press him for details. Explaining it all made Buck feel exhausted.

“Yeah, it was just a rough morning, Christopher wasn’t acting like himself.” More like a gremlin had come in and possessed his favorite kid, but that was beside the point.

“You don’t have to explain it to me, Buck,” Bobby soothed. “I know you and Eddie don’t call out if it can be helped.”

Buck couldn’t remember the last time he called out; work had always been so important to him that nothing else mattered. He was used to powering through pain and sickness, caffeine fixed the tiredness, and Buck was used to masking what was happening in his head.

“I know,” Buck said as he slipped out of his work shirt. “It’s just been a bad morning, that’s all.” Bad morning, bad night, all Buck knew was that his sleep schedule was about to be shot to hell and the nightmares were bound to come back. Which was frustrating since they had been fading, allowing him better sleep, and less time spent on them when he did have his therapy sessions.

“Then go home, fix whatever needs to be fixed, and get some rest. Call if you need help, alright?” Bobby knew better, knew that Buck wouldn’t outright ask for help, needed to the reminders that it was always there for him.

“I know, Bobby,” Buck tried to keep his voice steady. If Bobby noticed, he didn’t say anything, just nudged him towards the door.

Eddie’s truck was in the driveway when he pulled in. The house was quiet, sending Buck’s nerves up another notch, and he quickly scanned the room looking for his boys. Eddie was seated on the couch, face frowning, and he jolted when Buck came over.

“When’d you come home?” Eddie reached for him and Buck stepped closer, sinking into Eddie’s side on the couch.

“Just now. How’s Christopher?” The backpack that had been tossed so viciously this morning was still in the same place, meaning that Chris likely didn’t go to school, and that just made it worse. Christopher loved school.

“In his room. We had a lot of talks today while you were at work.” Eddie rubbed his back. “I know you’re worried, Ev, take a breath for me.” Buck didn’t want to take any deep breaths. He wanted to go scoop up his kid and figure out what went wrong.

“Is Christopher mad at me? From telling him about the trip yesterday?” Buck knew that was the cause of all this.

“Mad isn’t the right word,” Eddie shifted them so that they were facing each other on the couch. “Christopher doesn’t want you to go because he remembers how you were after all the stuff with your dad.”

Buck had been a mess following that visit; he’d gone home, promptly fell apart in the privacy of his bedroom, and Eddie held him through it all. Of course, Christopher had asked about it, wanting to know why Buck had been so out of sorts the following morning. Buck had tried to explain it, that not all parents were as awesome as his, that sometimes parents shouldn’t be parents, and that Buck was so happy that Christopher had Eddie.

“Is your dad going to come back?” Christopher had asked.

“No, Chris,” Buck said. “He isn’t coming back.”

“Good,” Christopher said, voice unrelenting. “You don’t need him, you have us.”

That was extent of knowledge Christopher had about his parents. Eddie got more details, as there were some similarities from his own parents, but Buck didn’t want to dig too deeply into that. He was aware that there was some lingering trauma from it all, boxed away in the back of his mind, and Eddie didn’t need Buck’s childhood issues in addition to his own.

“I shouldn’t have told him about that,” Buck mumbled. “He doesn’t need to worry about stuff like that. He’s a kid.”

“He asked you about it and you told him as much as you felt comfortable with in terms he could understand,” Eddie said firmly. “Christopher is a kid, yes, but he is our kid and he could see that you were hurting. Just like he does now.” Christopher was perceptive, far more than any kid Buck knew, something that Buck loved most days.

“He told me he doesn’t want me to go.”

“Because it’ll make you sad, yes.”

“You don’t want me to go, either,” Buck pointed out. Eddie scooted forward, so that he could rest his forehead against Buck’s, and let out a deep sigh.

“No, I don’t want you to go. I hate that you’re going, actually,” Eddie said. Buck opened his mouth, closing it when Eddie placed a finger over his lips, halting his next sentence. “Your parents hurt you, Buck. They hurt Maddie. I don’t want you to go back to those places that caused you pain.”

“We aren’t visiting anyone there,” Buck knew it was a weak excuse. Sure, Maddie and he could say that they wouldn’t run into anyone, but it was unlikely. If there was going to be a reading of the will, then they would have no choice in avoiding any present family members.

“That’s not the point. The point is that this is about you going back there, without me, and how this is going to upset you.” Eddie deflated against the couch cushion. “Christopher told me that he doesn’t want you going because you’ll be miserable and won’t have either of us there to make it better.”

“I can’t bring you, Eddie, I won’t let either of you near that.” Buck refused to let anyone from his past near his Diaz boys; it would suck, sure, but Buck could deal with it because they would be safe. Eddie looked away and Buck knew that Eddie was trying hard not to get into an argument. “Eddie, you’ve met both of my parents. Most of our family, what’s left of them, is like that, and I can’t have you or Christopher exposed to them. I can’t let them insult you guys like that.”

More like Buck wouldn’t let them tear apart his favorite people like they had done to himself and Maddie.

“I don’t like this. I’m not going to change my mind about it. Personally, I’d say fuck your mom and whatever bullshit she left you, but I know you too well, Evan Buckley.” Eddie’s eyes locked onto his and his voice was firm. “I need you to promise me something.” Buck nodded, hesitantly, unsure of where this new direction of conversation was going. “I need you to promise me that if it gets too much, for you or Maddie, that’ll you’ll leave. Get back on that plane and come home. I don’t care if it’s been ten minutes or ten hours, you grab your stuff and you come home.”

Eddie rarely gave out orders. Didn’t like to ask Buck to make promises. For him to do so now, on such a topic that made everyone uncomfortable, wasn’t taken lightly.

“I’ll come home if it gets too much, Eddie.” Buck said.

The door to Christopher’s room was still shut and Buck ached to see the person inside. Eddie grabbed his hand and pulled him off the couch. Wordlessly, they walked down the hall, Eddie rapping his knuckles on the door.

“Chris? Can we come in?” Eddie asked. There was a clatter inside, which had Buck frowning, and moments later Chris was flinging the door open, latching onto Buck. Without missing a beat, Buck scooped him up, wrapping his arms around the kid.

“I’m sorry I was mean earlier,” Christopher apologized. Buck hugged him tighter.

“It’s okay, bud, I forgive you. I’m sorry for making you upset.” Eddie guided them into the room, Buck sitting down on the bed, and Christopher wiggled so that he was on Buck’s lap, arms still around his neck. Absently, Buck wondered how much longer he’d get this, having Christopher wanting to cuddle up next to him. “Can we talk, Christopher? Your dad was telling me that you were worried.”

“I don’t want you to get sad, Bucky,” Christopher said and the appearance of his old nickname, that only Chris used, made Buck’s throat tight. “I can’t make it better.”

“Going with Maddie might make me a little sad, Chris, but I’ll be alright. Want to know why?” Christopher shrugged. “I have you and your dad to help me feel better when I come back. I’ll have Maddie, and the rest of our friends.” Christopher shook his head.

“You’ll have to wait to get hugs from me.”

“You can save them up for Buck until he gets back,” Eddie reminded him. “That way he can start to feel better right away.”

“You can still call me, Chris, I’ll be back before you know it.” Christopher moved again, this time leaning over Buck and around Eddie, reaching for something on the bed. He grabbed it and sat back up, this time holding a familiar stuffed animal, and held it out to Buck.

“I can’t give you hugs when you’re gone, but you can take Dory. So, she’ll help you feel better until I can.”

“What about if you need her,” Buck knew how much Christopher loved the stuff animal. For him to offer it up was no small feat.

“I’ve got Dad,” Christopher pressed the toy into Buck’s hand. “Please?” Buck couldn’t say no to Christopher. Certainly not to this.

“I’ll take good care of her,” Buck said and Christopher nodded, head coming to rest under his chin, while Eddie wrapped his arms around them both.

“I think it’s time for dinner and then some cuddles on the couch,” Eddie ruffled Christopher’s hair and kneaded the back of Buck’s neck. “Why don’t we let Buck get changed and you can help me pick something to order for dinner, Chris.”

Buck watched them go back to the kitchen and the moment the door to the master bedroom was closed, Buck sagged, clutching the stuffed animal to his stomach, dreading what was coming.


	4. Chapter 4

The day that they were scheduled to fly out was a dreary one. Buck woke up with his stomach in knots, figure tight around Eddie, and he wondered if he could cancel the whole thing. Maddie would understand. The problem was he would never forgive himself for letting her go alone. Buck got out of bed and threw on some clothes. His suitcase was already packed, waiting by the door, and Eddie rolled over to watch him tie his shoes.

“Did you get any sleep?” Eddie asked. Buck shrugged. He got enough, and with any luck he might be able to doze on the plane, not that he was counting on it.

“I’ll grab some sleep on the flight,” Buck said instead. “Maddie’s already awake and said she’ll order the Uber to take us to the airport.”

“You going to pop in to kiss Chris before you leave?” It was a few minutes past five in the morning; Christopher would still be sleeping.

“Yeah,” Buck moved so that he was leaning over Eddie and kissed him. Steady hands moved him so that Eddie was cradling his torso and Buck tucked his face into Eddie’s neck. “I’ll text you when we land.”

“You call or text as much as you need to.” Eddie had made him promise to agree to some ground rules, one of which being that Buck would reach out when he needed to, regardless of time of day.

“I will. Maddie won’t let me mope.”

“It’s not the moping that I’m concerned with,” Eddie brushed his lips against his cheek. “I want you to come home safely, and if something goes wrong, then we can fix it together.” It was a testament to how far both of them had come with that sentence. Eddie would have never been so emotional with his words and Buck would have denied needing help.

“’Cus we have each other’s backs.”

“Damn right we do,” Eddie punctuated his words with another kiss. “I’ll bring your stuff to the door. Go see Christopher.” Eddie nudged him so that he could sit up.

Buck walked down the hall, easing Christopher’s bedroom door open, and smiled softly at the sleeping kid. Christopher tended to sleep like a starfish, almost like his father, and Buck began the process of straightening out the blankets that were tangled.

“Mmmh, Buck?” Christopher mumbled, eyes fluttering and Buck crouched by his head.

“Hey there, Superman,” Buck keeps his voice quiet, hoping that Chris will go back to sleep quickly, not wanting to leave Eddie with a cranky kid. “I just wanted to come by before I left.”

Christopher’s arm peeks out, reaching for Buck, and he brings his arms around for a hug. Christopher tightens it, as if he could keep Buck there forever, and Buck doesn’t move away.

“I love you, buddy,” Buck whispers and Christopher pats his face.

“Love you, too,” Christopher’s eyes are drooping, so Buck helps him lay back down, tucking the covers in so that he’ll be warm. “Are you going to call later?”

“How about I call you when I get to the hotel? I’ll double check to make sure you’re out of school so you won’t miss it.” Buck stays a few minutes longer, until Christopher’s eyes can’t stay open anymore, and then slips out of the room. Eddie is by the kitchen sink, watching the window, and Buck rests against him.

“I know that I’m probably going to regret this, but don’t go looking for trouble, please?” Eddie begged. Buck quirked a smile, one that had Eddie pinching his side, so he quickly gave in.

“Ouch, fine, I won’t go looking for trouble. It usually finds me, anyway.”

“That’s what I’m worried about,” Eddie said. A black SUV pulled up into the driveway and Buck’s phone pinged. “Time to go, I guess.” Eddie followed him to the door, waving his attempts to grab the luggage off, and walked over to the car. “Call me when you are about to take off,” Eddie reminded him as he loaded the luggage in. Maddie came out, quickly hugged Eddie, before coming to stand by her brother. “And when you land. If you need me-“

“I’ll tell you,” Buck cut him off, not wanting Eddie to get more worked up, and they exchanged one more kiss and hug. “I love you.”

“Love you, too, be safe, Evan. You as well, Maddie.” Eddie stood on the porch, watching, until they were out of sight of the house.

The drive was uneventful. They got to their gate, checked in, and then went through security. Maddie grabbed them coffee, neither of them up for eating anything at the moment, and then they settled in to wait until it was time to board.

“Can’t believe we’re actually doing this,” Maddie said. Buck, who was trying not to let his mind get caught up in that loop just yet, nodded.

“I didn’t think I would ever be going back.”

“Me either,” Maddie tilted her head down to rest it against Buck’s arm. “I know this is going to be rough, but I’m glad I’m going back with you.”

“Even if everything is going to go to shit?” Buck asked. He wasn’t stupid enough to hope for an uneventful trip. The will reading would involve anyone else that was slated to receive something; Maddie and Buck would have their own meeting in regards to the effects left to them.

“Well, if it does, I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather have by my side,” Maddie said, a weak smile on her lips, and Buck lifted his arm up so Maddie could curl against him. “Who do you think we’ll run into?”

“Aunt Leana, maybe Uncle Dan?” Buck repressed a shiver; he could deal with his nasty aunt that would pester them, just not his uncle, no way in hell. “I hope he doesn’t show.” Buck muttered.

“I thought you both were fine?”

“Used to be,” Buck didn’t like to think about it. That summer had been the worse, filled with too much yelling and anger, cumulating in one horrible event that Buck refused to remember. “Whatever happens, we’ll be fine, we always are.” It was just the way they worked. He and Maddie didn’t have any other options; in their family, it was either you were strong or you weren’t. And if you weren’t, you learned quickly.

“Did you want to visit the cemetery?” Maddie asked. Buck’s phone buzzed, so he pulled it out of his pocket, seeing that Eddie had texted him.

>>>Eddie: Have a safe flight. Check in when you can.

“No,” Buck had no desire to visit his dead father. What was the point? The man was long gone and Buck never saw the benefit of talking to a gravestone. He typed out a response to Eddie.

<<<Buck: Getting ready for take-off. Don’t ruin the kitchen and give Chris an extra hug for me. Love you.

He isn’t expecting a response right away; Eddie is working today and they might already be on a call. Take-off goes smoothly, even if Maddie squeezes his hand so hand that Buck fears for his bones, and then they’re in the air. Maddie keeps her eyes on the window, while Buck attempted to sleep, not managing to keep his eyes closed for longer than a few minutes. They have a layover and grab a quick lunch, which barely tastes like anything, so Buck pushes through and eats. They’re dealing with enough and Buck couldn’t afford to crash.

The second flight goes by faster and with each passing minute Buck gets more and more tense. He had been eighteen when he left, heartbroken because Buck knew he was leaving Maddie behind with her husband somewhere in the state, swearing that he would never be back. Funny how life works out. It was evening when they finally landed. Maddie led the way to the baggage claim and Buck swiped their bags off the revolving belt. By then, the two of them were dragging their feet to the exit. Maddie grabbed an Uber, giving him the hotel address, and then they were off.

“We can order in tonight,” Maddie said. They were trying to limit the possible chances of running into people they used to know. Not that there were many; Buck couldn’t recall many old childhood friends.

“I’ll call Eddie when we get to the room. You should call Chimney.”

“How about you call Eddie first while I shower? Then I can call Chim when it’s your turn.” Their room was a double, neither of them wanting to sleep apart during this trip, and Maddie quickly grabbed her stuff and darted into the bathroom. Buck pulled his phone out and pressed the call button. It rang twice before Eddie picked up.

“Hey!”

“Hey,” Buck parroted. “We made it to the room.”

“Did you eat something yet?” Buck leaned back on the bed, an awkward angle with his legs still on the floor, but at least his back got stretched out.

“We’re ordering dinner soon. And I ate lunch,” Buck listed. Eddie hummed. Buck knew why he was asking; normally, when he was upset or stressed, Buck couldn’t manage more than a few bites of anything. It drove Bobby insane, especially following his accident, and him not eating was an obvious sign that something was wrong.

“How was work today? And Christopher?”

“Slow, we didn’t have any major calls, mainly straightforward medical ones.”

“What about Christopher?” Buck asked again.

“He’s alright, Evan, went to school this morning and everything. Carla has him for the night and knows that you’ll call him when you can.”

“And you?” Buck pictured him sitting on the loft couches.

“I’m doing alright. The bed is going to feel weird later; I can’t remember the last time we didn’t have the same schedule.”

“I don’t think we’ll be getting much sleep on this end.” The shower cut off and Buck kicked his shoes off. At the same time, the alarm went off in the background.

“Go, stay safe,” Buck blurted out.

“Love you,” Eddie rushed out, Buck repeating it, before the call ended. Buck went to his bag and grabbed his stuff. He noticed that one of Eddie’s sweatshirts had ended up in his stuff, and Buck’s throat tightened, taking it along with the rest of the clothes.

“Have at it, the water pressure is crap, but it’s warm.”

“Then that works for me,” Buck showered quickly, throwing on his clothes, and inhaling Eddie’s scent leftover from the sweatshirt. He didn’t bother gelling his hair and stepped back into the room. Maddie was on the balcony, talking to Chimney, so Buck pulled up Carla’s number and hit the facetime button. She answered, smiling, and soon the face of his favorite kid filled the screen. “Hey there, Superman!”

“Buck!” Christopher shouted. “I got a 100 on my spelling test!”

“Yeah? That’s awesome,” Buck congratulated him, enjoying the conversation, mind focusing on this rather than everything else that was coming.


	5. Chapter 5

Buck woke up with a feeling of dread in his stomach. Maddie, awake on the bed next to his, was scrolling through her phone. The clock read that it was six fifteen in the morning.

“What time do we have to be there?” Buck asked. Maddie lowered her phone.

“Nine. It’s a ten-minute walk to the lawyer’s office,” Maddie said. “Do you think we’ll run into anyone there?”

“I’m hoping we don’t,” Buck knew it was a lost cause; the Buckley luck might have gotten better, but it always found a way to mess up. “I’m going to get ready.” Buck said, throwing back the covers, antsy and unable to stay laying in bed.

Taking what he needed from his suitcase, Buck did his business and got dressed, trying to get his hair controlled. Maddie was out of bed when he exited, tossing her phone onto the mattress, before taking her turn. Neither of them wanted to eat breakfast, nerves limiting their feelings of hunger, until Eddie’s words echoed in Buck’s head. He did promise to try and take care of himself this trip. Buck snagged two English muffins, toasted them and slathered his with strawberry jam and Maddie’s with butter, before filling two cups of coffee up and bringing it back to their table.

“I’m not that hungry,” Maddie said, pushing the plate away, and Buck seamlessly pushed it back as he took a deep sip of his coffee.

“Me either,” Buck retorted. “I’m not sure when we’ll get done and you need something in your system. Believe me, chugging coffee on an empty stomach won’t do you any favors.” Maddie sighed, picking up the piece of bread, and taking a bite. Buck nodded and went back to his own breakfast. He checked his phone while they ate; he responded to the ones from Eddie first, then the one from Bobby.

“I want to donate it,” Maddie blurted out, causing Buck to look up. “The money, I meant, I don’t want it. Someone should get use out of it for something good.”

“Yeah,” Buck said. “I’m not keeping anything.” Their mother might have been made of money, and had left it to her children, but Buck had no desire to use it. Best to get rid of it. Buck made enough to support himself, Eddie and Christopher. There was no need for that much money to go to him.

“What about the other stuff? The properties and whatever,” Maddie knew, just as well as he did, that the list of things that they had been willed were long. Things that Buck couldn’t reasonably see himself using or owning. He didn’t need multiple properties and houses in places that he wouldn’t travel to. Or the fancy boat that had been used two, if that, since he still could barely tolerate the ocean on a good day.

“Sell them. Give them to whoever wants them that shows up,” Buck didn’t care. He had lived in a big, empty house and had lived in a ratty apartment, and for a few brief weeks, out of his first car. Elaborate homes did nothing for him. “How do you think it happened?” There hadn’t been a lot of details shared, not that Buck had asked, and Maddie didn’t press to answers.

“Likely worked herself to death,” Maddie said, tonelessly, and tossed the rest of her food onto her plate. “Are we really going through with this?” Buck knew that coming back would be hard; he didn’t sleep well last night, mind racing, and Maddie had tossed and turned in the bed opposite his.

“We can leave,” Buck reminded her softly.

“I want to know. We both deserve to know,” Maddie’s face hardened, and Buck, familiar with how stubborn his sister could be, didn’t argue. In a lot of ways, the two of them acted more like their mother than their dad. Both were hard working, tended to self-sabotage more often than normal, and generally operated independently because they didn’t know any other way. Maddie had raised herself, then helped raise him, refusing to let either parent boast that they had done the hard work.

“I know that. I’m just wondering how much it’ll help,” Buck didn’t want to say that it would likely do more harm than good. Seeing their father had left them both out of sorts; the surprise visit from their mom had only escalated those feelings. “She wanted to talk last time but didn’t even bother to try again.”

“She showed up, unannounced, at your workplace and belittled you. That isn’t the same as her wanting to reconnect and talk,” Maddie hissed. More people began to come into the dining area, causing Maddie to lower her voice, and Buck finished the last of his coffee. “Buck, what are we even doing here?”

“Cutting any leftover ties,” Buck said. “After this, it’s over, Mads. We never have to come back, never have to think about this place, ever again.” Buck wished he had some happier memories of the place, rather than the handful he did have, some of which he had shared with those closest time him. Like the time he and his grandfather had spent a whole week camping in the woods, hiking and trail riding, before a heart attack had taken him and left him confined to an assisted living.

“If anyone starts anything, I won’t be sorry for going off on them,” Maddie didn’t like to get angry at people, preferring to talk things out; Buck was the one that argued, that refused to let things lie, often getting in trouble for his mouth and attitude.

“As long as we don’t need to make bail, we’ll be good,” Buck said, trying to lighten the mood, and Maddie gripped his hand. Before long, it was time to leave, and Buck reluctantly grabbed their dirty dishes and placed them in the bin.

Walking along the street, Buck tried to find any familiar spots from his childhood; Hersey might not have been the best place, but it had been a home for him, and yet it felt foreign. California suited him better, with the endless sun, warm breezes, and busy city. Maddie linked their arms together, something they used to do as children, and Buck slowed his pace to match hers. The law office was imposing, and Maddie gave their name at the front desk, leaving Buck to look around. It seemed like the kind of place their mom would have enjoyed. Blank white walls, stone floors, people who seemed to have no expressions as they talked to you.

“Floor nine, you are in conference room twelve, go right up,” The receptionist said.

Stepping into the elevator was stifling. Buck tried to distract himself as the numbers ticked up. Eddie was getting Christopher ready for school; Chris would show him all the new books he got from the library, as well as the newest collection of Lego sets that came from Peppa. Maddie gripped his arm again as the doors opened. The door was open and they could hear voices inside. Taking a deep breath, both siblings looked at each other; this was their last chance to leave. A second passed, then two, until finally both of them knew that they couldn’t do it.

“Ready for this?” Maddie asked.

“Two of us against the world, Mads, let’s get this over with,” Buck said.

Inside the room were three other people. One of them was the lawyer who sent them the notice, dressed in a crisp black suit, and was focused more on the papers in front of him than the other people in the room. Buck felt his heart sink as his registered that one of the individual’s was their aunt. The other figure was their cousin. He spun around, eyes wide as he caught sight of them, and reached back to tap on his mother’s arm.

“Well, look who decided to show their faces after all this time,” She snipped.

Aunt Leana was clad in her normal attire, crisp slacks and button up, chucky necklace around her neck, drenched in perfume. Buck had always disliked being forced to give her a hug at family events, the smell causing him to cough, and it earned him a scolding for his actions.

“Nice to see you, too, Aunt Leana,” Maddie responded in kind. Their cousin, Elliot, was taller.

Last time Buck had seen him, the guy had been sporting a bowl cut and was about six inches shorter than Buck. Now, he was about the same height and his hair was shorter. Elliot didn’t say anything, coming over to wrap them both in a hug.

“I didn’t think you guys would show up.”

“Why would they? Both of them left this family the moment they got the chance,” Aunt Leana scolded. Buck narrowed his eyes at her.

“Considering the last time we talked you told me that if I ever opened my mouth around you again, you’d have your husband slap me into next week, I wasn’t too inclined to keep in touch,” Buck said. He would never forget what Uncle Dan had done and Maddie tensed beside him.

“Ignore her,” Elliot eyed his mother. “She’s been like this ever since she caught dad sleeping with his co-worker.” Well, that answered the question of why her gaudy ring wasn’t flashing on her finger. “You both look good.”

“It’s good to see you, Elliot,” Maddie gave him a half smile, the best she could do, and Elliot didn’t seem too upset.

“Is this everyone?” Buck asked.

“You would know if you ever bothered to talk to us,” Aunt Leana said, coming over finally, and Buck shifted so that Maddie was behind him. Elliot frowned at him and Buck didn’t bother to explain; his sister trumped everyone, hands down, not even his only cousin would prevent him from protecting his sister.

“Like I said,” Buck kept his voice even. “There wasn’t exactly a huge incentive to keep in contact.”

“Ladies and Gentlemen, why don’t we get started,” The lawyer said, bringing them back to the present, and gestured for them to sit down.

Buck sat down next to Maddie, Elliot next to him, with their aunt sitting the farthest away. Gripping their hands under the table, Buck took a deep breath, bracing himself as the lawyer started to read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is going to hurt...leave a comment if you wish :)


	6. Chapter 6

There have been a handful of times when Buck honestly thought he would lose his shit. Granted, he never actually did, as someone always came along to stop him and convince him to act like the adult he claimed to be, and Buck never had to fully cross that line. Now, sitting in a stuffy conference room, listening to the lawyer drone on and on, Buck felt like screaming.

“Each of you has been left a small trust. There are no stipulations to it, use it however you want, as well as several stocks.”

Once, Buck had asked his mother, on one of the rare times she stayed home longer than a few days, why she worked so hard. They had plenty; the fridge was always stocked, the house was clean, and Buck never had to wonder about buying things. Seven-year-old Evan Buckley never had to want for a thing. Eight-year-old Evan Buckley had to scrape together quarters for lunch most days after his mom started to pull away.

“It’s just something that a parent does, Evan,” She had said in a blunt tone. “Parents provide for their children.”

“Will you come to the science fair?” Buck had asked, more like pleaded, since Maddie was going to be stuck at college and Dad would be working.

“Another time, dear,” She brushed off, shooing him out of the room, returning to her stacks of files and ringing phone. Sure, their mom had provided for them, until she didn’t, but Buck had been missing a lot of other important things that parents are supposed to give. Like going to school events, showing up for parent teacher conferences, hell, even saying goodnight before bed. Buck got used to taking care of himself, used to no longer seeking affection from his family, looking for it in other places where it filled the void for a small period of time.

Buck hadn’t been lying to Bobby when he told him that firefighting was all he had; back then, it was the only thing holding him together. It was different now and Buck refused to make the same mistakes his parents did. He showed up to every school event he could. Always made it a point to be interested in anything the kids were into, asking questions, joining in with them when they asked. Buck told Christopher how much he cared at every chance, never said no to a hug, and tried to show that he was always there.

Maddie tightened her grip on his hand and brought him back to the present. Beside him, Elliot was scowling, whether it was aimed at his mother or because of the situation was unclear.

“Now, there are some personal effects that have been willed to you both,” The lawyer said, looking at Buck and Maddie. “The house in New York City, as well as the lake house in Maine, and the yacht has been left to you.”

“A waste, if you ask me,” Aunt Leana grumbled. Buck took a deep breath; he could not get arrested here.

“How soon can those go on the market?” Maddie asked. Aunt Leana gasped and even Elliot turned his head. Buck didn’t acknowledge them.

“With all due respect, sir,” Buck said. “Neither of us want anything she left us. We’ve already decided to put the properties up for sale. The trusts and stocks can be donated. There isn’t anything of hers that we want.”

“She worked hard for both of you,” Aunt Leana smacked her hand on the table and Buck’s eyes snapped over to glare at her. “This is your mother, Evan.”

“I am aware of that. Just like she was your sister and you saw no reason to come around unless it was for money or to try and bring Maddie or I in line.”

“Both of you needed it! Dan and I would have never let you act this way.”

Buck had two options here: ignore it, go back to the task at hand, and go home. Or, say fuck it to politeness, and rip his aunt to shreds. It wasn’t a hard choice.

“You and your husband thought that disciplining your children entailed smacking them, locking them out of the house, and in some instances, other places,” Buck tilted his head and gave the nastiest smile he could produce. “The car trunk worked out just fine for me, didn’t it?”

“If we could get back to the will,” The lawyer tried to bring back order. "There is nothing stating that you have to accept the willed items and monetary amounts. Given the nature of the contents, I do advise thinking it over and coming back to sign tomorrow."

Elliot was pale, staring down at the table, and Buck didn’t say anything to him. Just sat back, Maddie much closer to him than before, and they resumed the session. In the end, Buck and Maddie agreed to come back tomorrow to officially sign, after discussing a tentative plan; the properties would go on sale with the funds being donated to local outreach centers as halfway houses. The monetary funds would be divided into several trust accounts, intended for the kids, with the leftovers sent to various charities. Aunt Leana, who didn’t get nearly as much as they had, was outraged.

By the time they were done, Buck and Maddie were drained, ready to curl up somewhere and sleep. They left the room, trying to block out the high pitch screeching from their aunt, noticing at the last second that Elliot was following them. Maddie pressed the elevator button, the three of them got in, and Buck tried not to focus on the tense atmosphere. Many, many years ago, he and Elliot had been close. They didn’t have a big family, and with Maddie gone so often, Buck clung to his cousin.

They hung out during the summer and weekends. Spent nights sleeping on one another’s floor. Not asking about the bruises on each other, since their parents had similar thoughts about discipline, and generally tried to stay quiet and out of everyone’s way. As most things happen, they got older, drifted apart; Elliot escaped the house more often due to sports camps and Buck began to sneak out more and more to avoid his dad.

“Where have you been all this time?” Elliot asked as they got to the ground level. Maddie didn’t answer him. Buck kept his eyes forward as the doors opened and they stepped out.

“We moved,” He said simply.

“Yeah, where though? I tried to track you down and I couldn’t.”

“Did it ever occur to you that we didn’t want you to find us?” Maddie replied. Elliot faltered, losing a few steps, before catching up as they got outside.

“I tried! Last time I saw you, Madeline, was at your wedding,” Elliot cried. He came to stand in front of them, blocking their path, face scrunched up in distress. “You left, too, Evan, and I couldn’t find you.” Buck bit the inside of his cheek.

“Of course, I left, Elliot, was I supposed to stay here? Watch Dad drink himself to death? Continue to take your parents remarks and hits? I was done.” Buck threw back. “The two of us are done, this it us cutting all our ties, there isn’t anything left for us here.”

“What about me?” Maddie pulled him along, feet stamping along the pavement, and not once did Buck of stopping. “Huh? What was I suppose to do when you left? We made a pact, Evan!”

The thin cord that had been holding Buck together snapped with the strength of a daisy chain. Buck spun on his heel, nearly colliding with Elliot head-on, and didn’t blink.

“Where was that pact when I took the blame for your little stunt? The house party? You got off Scott free and I ended up getting two black eyes and spent a whole night locked in a car trunk!”

“Buck,” Maddie put a hand on his chest, trying to put herself between the two men, and Buck noticed that some people on the street were staring. “It’s not worth it.”

“I was done, Elliot, and nothing could make me stay. I’ve got a whole life now, one I love, and it doesn’t have a place for anyone here in it. I don’t want you in it.” Buck had a family. People that loved him and had his back.

“We didn’t come back for you, Elliot,” Maddie said.

“I tried,” Elliot repeated. “I tried to help, Evan, I tried so hard, you have to believe me.”

“It’s not about us believing you or how hard you did or didn’t try. There’s nothing left for us here,” Maddie nudged Buck and the two of them started to move again.

They turned their back on Elliot, leaving him on the sidewalk, and Buck wrapped his arm around his sister. Maddie guided him along, both of them stumbling up the hotel steps, clutching tightly to one another.

“That sucked,” Buck said as the room door clicked shut behind them. Maddie nodded and tossed her purse on the bed.

“Would you have ever told me? About what happened that summer?”

“Mads,” Buck reached out for her and she shoved his hand away.

“You told me everything was fine. That nothing happened. You said the black eyes were from a bike accident.”

“I didn’t want to worry you.”

“You busted your hand from banging so hard on the trunk roof!” Maddie yelled.

“What was I supposed to do? You barely called, Maddie, I couldn’t visit you, and what, was I supposed to just come out and tell you?” Buck yelled back. “Yeah, that would go over well. Should I have told you that Dad used me as target practice with his beer bottles? Or that Uncle Dan clipped me so hard with his belt that I thought my shoulder was broken? I was terrified, Maddie, but you weren’t there!” Maddie gripped her hair, face ashen, and Buck leaned his back against the door.

“I tried to come back, Evan, you have to believe me,” Maddie brushed the tears that refused to fall out of her eyes.

“I believe you now. I didn’t back then,” Buck said. Maddie shuddered and fumbled to grab her purse.

“I need to step out. I can’t talk about this right now.” Maddie ran from the room, from Buck, and he let her. Buck eventually made his way over to the bed, collapsing down onto it, slumping forward.

Coming here was a mistake. It was a mistake of epic proportions and Buck wanted to leave. Fingers shaking, Buck pulled out his phone, and called Eddie. He didn’t know what time it was in California, couldn’t recall what time Eddie was working, just waited as the phone rang. And rang. That trilling sound lingered in the room and directed him to the voicemail box. “Hey, this is Eddie, leave a message at the beep.”

“Hey, it’s me. We, um, we had the meeting,” Buck felt hollow. “You were right. I shouldn’t have come. Maddie and I, I think we fought? A lot of stuff came out, things I didn’t tell her, and we yelled at each other.” Buck shut his eyes. “Today sucked and all I want is you, Eds, I just want you.” Buck pressed his hand against his forehead. “I’ll try and call you again later.” And hung up.

Buck dropped his phone on the other side of the bed. Kicked off his shoes and burrowed under the covers. Arms wrapped around himself, Buck could feel the beginnings of a panic attack settling in, too many memories at war in his head. He hated fighting with Maddie, it happened so rarely, something that neither of them ever wanted to do with each other. Buck cried silently, years of practice keeping it contained under the sheets, and by the time it was done Buck felt hollow.

His phone was ringing, screen lighting up, and the photo for Eddie was there. It was a picture of the three of them, taken at the last family event they went to, all smiles. Buck answered it.

“Eddie?”

“Buck, hey, I’m here,” Eddie said. “Do you want to talk about it?”

No.

He didn’t want to talk about it. Talking hurt. Keeping silent hurt. Doing something about it hurt. Even doing nothing and ignoring it hurt.

“Evan?”

“Can you, just, talk? About anything,” Buck dug his nails into his palm. There was no use telling Eddie. It wouldn’t make him feel better. Probably wouldn’t make him feel worse than he already did, either.

“Babe, I need you to talk to me,” Eddie tried again. “What happened?”

“You and Chris were right. Coming back was a bad idea. It was all such a stupid idea.” Buck never wanted to think about this place and the people ever again.


	7. Chapter 7

Buck tends to ramble when he’s nervous. Or stressed. Or excited. The point is, Buck can talk for hours when he really wants to. Normally, there isn’t a problem getting the words out, they just flow out of his mouth and that’s that. Not this time. No, this time is so much worse than all the rest. At first, Buck can’t get much out. Between the half-stifled sobs that he’s been repressing since he got off the plane, and the absolute nausea caused by fighting with Maddie, Buck can’t form a single sentence, words evading him. Eddie, the patient guy he is, doesn’t rush him or demand answers.

“Carino,” Eddie says to him during a break over the phone, Buck choking back a cry, and Buck is hit with such a pang of longing that it physically hurts. “I need you to take a breath for me, can you do that?”

“Ye-yeah,” Buck sniffles, tries to take one, and then another.

“There you go, nice and slow,” Eddie coaches. They have been down this road too many times, Buck doesn’t need to count the breathes in his head, hating that a great combination of anxiety and PTSD has made the both of them well versed in breathing techniques. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“Maddie and I had a fight,” Buck rubs at his eyes, knowing full well that it won’t help, and gazes at the door. “We had the meeting today and it didn’t go well.” Seeing his aunt and cousin again had stirred up so much, a lot of which Maddie didn’t know about, either due to her being gone or Buck simply not telling her.

“Sounds rough. What did you fight about?”

“There was an incident,” Buck starts, unsure of how much detail to reveal. Eddie picks up on it.

“You can tell me as much as you want, Buck, whatever is comfortable to you.”

“The incident happened when I was younger, when Maddie was gone.” Buck says.

Elliot had wanted to throw a party. Buck hadn’t, already nervous being stuck at his relative’s house for the time being, and the recipient to several of his aunt and uncle’s rages. Elliot, forever in denial about his parents, dismissed his concerns and had the party anyway when both adults were out of the house. As suspected, the party went sideways, and someone called the cops. Might have been one of the guests, or one of the neighbors, the point was the authorities were called and Elliot’s parents were informed, coming home fuming to find their house a disaster.

Buck had been terrified. Not as terrified as when Elliot blamed it all on him. Once the cops were gone, and the house cleared, Elliot was instructed to go off to his room and Buck was dragged into the garage. His uncle, angry at the state of his house, had gone off. Fists, feet, it didn’t matter what he used, all of it hurt. Buck could have dealt with it; he had in past, what was one fist compared to a beer bottle? After a while, they all began to feel the same. Only, the beating didn’t end there.

Half-dazed on the concrete, Buck had been tossed into the back of the Buick, back throbbing as he landed on something, to see the trunk shut firmly down on him. It had been one of the scariest moments of his life. To this day, Buck still wasn’t sure how long he was kept in there before finally being let out. He had a fractured hand, bruised and messed up nails from trying to claw his way out, and a determination to get out of there as fast as he could.

“There was an incident and I got blamed for it,” Buck couldn’t go into all the details. “Maddie didn’t respond well to it, especially since I told her that how I got hurt wasn’t actually the truth. She stormed out shortly after that.” It was close to an hour later and no word from Maddie.

“She’ll come back and the two of you can talk it out. I’m sure she isn’t mad at you,” Eddie reasoned. Buck frowned.

“She sounded mad. I would be mad if she said what I did.”

“What did you say?”

“That I didn’t believe her when said that she tried to come back to me,” Buck whispered. It was a bit of a cliché, wasn’t it? Daddy issues, abandonment issues, all wrapped up together in a crushing bow of insecurity and low self-esteem. Some days, Buck still felt like that kid, the one trapped in the dark of a car trunk, feeling like nothing would get better.

“Did you mean it?” Eddie eventually asks.

“Back then I did. Not now, not after everything, I just wanted her to try and understand,” Buck didn’t want to keep crying about this. His head was pounding, as a result of being dehydrated or emotionally exhausted, he wasn’t sure. “I haven’t told her everything.”

“Do you think you could try to when she comes back?” Could he? Maddie understood what it was like to be hurt by someone who was suppose to protect you, someone who claimed to love you.

“Maybe,” Buck answered.

“Then try talking again. She’s you sister, Buck, she loves you and I can bet that she isn’t as mad as you think she is.” Eddie instructs him to go drink some water, maybe try eating something if he can stomach it, and possibly take a shower or try to sleep. Buck almost asks to keep talking on the phone, until the sharp trill of the alarm goes off, and the call shortly ends. The room is oppressively silent and Buck spaces out for a second. Eventually, he manages to get his feet in working order, going over to the bathroom and washing his face.

His eyes are bloodshot and his skin is pale. Buck glances at the shower, debating it, before leaving the room. There isn’t enough energy left in him to attempt it. So, Buck curls back up on the bed. There are no new notifications on his phone from Maddie. Mind racing, Buck doesn’t let himself get comfortable before he’s sitting up again, reaching for his shoes. Just as he finishes getting them on, arm outstretched for his jacket, the hotel door clicks open. Maddie, hair frazzled and eyes red just like his, steps in and locks in on Buck.

For a moment, neither of them says anything, and then Buck is moving. Three strides and he’s wrapping his big sister up in a hug, one that she doesn’t hesitate to reciprocate.

"I’m sorry,” Buck apologizes.

“I’m sorry, too,” Maddie echoes. “Are you going somewhere?”

“I was going to go look for you,” Buck admits, tightening his grip, and doesn’t think of how that would have gone. He’s searched for his sister through a snow-covered forest; the city of Hersey wouldn’t be that much harder.

“I was in the hotel lobby. Pretty sure the staff think that I’m some sort of crazed woman now,” Maddie tries to joke, it falling flat, and she nudges Buck back so that they can both sit on the edge of the bed. “I think we need to talk about some things.”

“Okay,” Buck says, willing to try, and Maddie links their hands together.

“What you told me about that summer, and how you got hurt, it was a lie, right?” Buck nodded. “Where you ever going to tell me?”

“I don’t know,” Buck looked away. “To be honest, I’ve tried to forget it all.”

“That’s why you went back to Dad. To get away from what Uncle Dan did,” Maddie pieced it all together. “We don’t have to go back there, we’ve signed all of the forms, we can catch the next flight back home.” It was tempting, something that Buck knew would make them both feel better, but something else needed to be done.

“Remember what I said to you once? About how I wished that everyone here would stop messing up our lives?” Buck asked. “We saw Elliot and Aunt Leana. I could care less where her husband is. So that leaves two people.”

“Two people, for what?” Buck leaned against Maddie’s side, hungry for comfort.

“I think we should see it. The graves. Just to show ourselves that they are gone and they can’t hurt either of us again.”

“I don’t know,” Maddie was hesitant, wary of heaping more stuff on them, and Buck could understand her fear.

“Do you know what I used to think when I was younger?” At Maddie’s shrug, Buck pressed on, words suddenly springing to his mind. “That if I made it out, turned out alright, that I would leave them behind in the dust. That anything I managed to accomplish had been done without them.”

“We both turned out alright, I’d say,” Maddie mused.

“Dad had nothing and look where it left him. Mom claimed to have everything and she ended up the same way. The two of us made it out and seeing their graves might make it stick in my head. That we survived even though, by all rights, we shouldn’t have.”

Buck should have been dead by now. Either in his youth from the violence at home or by the near death experiences on the job. Hell, he had three of them back to back in less than a year. Maddie, she had spent years married to an abusive asshole, nearly killed by him and almost losing Chimney in the process.

“I could get the information for where they are buried,” Maddie’s voice broke him out of his thoughts.

“We can go tomorrow, see it, and then go home,” Buck said.

“Or,” Maddie offered. “We still do that and then go do something…fun.” Buck frowned and leaned back so he could see Maddie’s face.

“Fun?”

“Yes, something fun, because I refuse to have this entire thing drenched in sadness. We are going to do something fun. Call it sticking it to the rest of them or whatever, we deserve it.” Buck giggled at the absurdity of it all, falling back onto the bed, Maddie copying him moments later.

“A day trip then,” Buck thought aloud. “Plenty of places neither of us got to go. Not to mention we avoid any other people that would want to talk to us.”

Aunt Leana could walk off into the distance, for all he cared, there was no love lost between them. The woman hated him from the day they were introduced. Elliot, he was a different story, since at one-point Buck had cared about him. He might still have cared about him, had that night gone down differently, or any of the following nights. It hadn’t, Elliot no longer reaching out dispite his claims of trying to reconnect, and Buck hadn’t looked back when he left.

To see him now, still at his mother’s side, crying about trying to get in contact, made Buck uneasy. To reconnect with Elliot would put him back in the path of his aunt, and possibly his uncle. Which was a terrifying thought, regardless if Buck was taller and stronger now. Buck had seen him take down men twice his size before.

“Look at us, facing some dark, depressing family stuff,” Maddie chuckled.

“Hey, we’ve got a good family out of it, a better one.”

“Yeah, we did,” Maddie’s expression turned wistful. “You know they’re going to ask about this, right?”

“We could tell them, or, tell them parts of it. I don’t mind.” Funnily enough, there were parts that Buck felt comfortable enough sharing. Some would stay reserved for Eddie, and he was unsure how Bobby would react to several incidents, aware that the older man didn’t agree with a lot of Buck’s past.

“What do you say to going out to grab food? Some little hole in the wall place?” Basically, not a place that would run the chance of potentially placing them in the path of their estranged family relatives.

“I would be down for some food,” Buck could manage to eat.

“Come on then, little brother, let’s go,” Maddie got up, tugging at his arms, and Buck laughed as she tried to pull him up.

“Alright, alright, let’s go, big sister,” Buck said, grabbing his stuff, feeling lighter when Maddie linked their hands together again as they stepped out of the hotel into the street.


	8. Chapter 8

They have a good time at dinner. Buck surprises himself by managing to eat everything on his plate, Maddie finishing hers as well, and the pair of them decide to walk around a little longer once they leave the restaurant. For a brief moment, Buck feels light about everything.

“You know, I always pictured the two of us sticking it to them,” Maddie says as they walk down the street. Most of the stories are closed and there aren’t that many people out walking.

“Mom maybe, Dad probably wouldn’t care, if he could be bothered to remember what we did.”

“Did you know when she called me, the first time, she asked about Doug?” Buck frowned and Maddie gave a him a look, so he didn’t speak just yet. “I told her I left him. That I had found you and we were watching out for each other. You want to know what she said to me?”

“That she was right?” Their mother had always preached that she knew best; never mind the fact that she was never around long enough to know what was going on in her children’s lives.

“No, that I could have gone to her. That she would taken care of me.” Buck’s face dropped.

“She always did try to keep us under her thumb when it suited her,” Buck muttered darkly.

“I said there was no way I would be going to her. That I felt safe with you and that’s where I want to be,” Maddie brushed her hair back behind her ear. “She didn’t even know you were in California.”

“I cut contact with her after I came back from South America,” Buck said. “Turns out she was feeding Dad information. I didn’t want to be tracked down.”

“They never stopped seeing each other even after the divorce, did they?” Maddie wondered aloud.

Buck thought about it. The divorce had been messy, long fights that seemed to shake the house, causing Buck to wonder if he would be better off in the woods surrounding his house as opposed to staying home. Mom had taken everything she could and ran; Dad got nothing and so began the short descent into the bottle for him.

“They weren’t good for each other,” Buck summarized.

“I don’t want to be them, not with Chimney or any of our kids.” Maddie declared.

“Did you know that I once told Eddie I didn’t want to be married because of everything I saw with our parents? I didn’t want to turn out like them.” Buck had seen what the divorce and Shannon had done to Eddie. The scars and fears left behind from such a deep wound like that had made him pause on anything romantic or otherwise, Buck refusing to make it worse, but also too afraid to try and make it better. Not when he was already drowning.

“We won’t,” Maddie swore, pulling him to a stop. “We got out of there. Do you love Eddie?”

“What kind of question is that?”

“Just answer it.”

“Yes, I do, you know that, Mads. Do you love Chimney?”

“Of course, I do.”

“Then I guess we are miles ahead of where they were, aren’t we?”

“Can we try something?” Maddie asked. “When I went to therapy, my therapist mentioned something about listing out all the good things in my life. Friends, family, accomplishments. And I realized something, all of those things, I did it without them and despite them.”

“Yeah, you did, Mads,” Buck said and Maddie nudged his arm.

“We’re doing this, I’ll start. I got a nursing degree and then a job at the dispatch center.”

“I got through college, traveled to another country, and became a firefighter.”

“I’m dating someone who treats me well, someone that I can see myself spending the rest of my life with.”

“I get to be with my best friend and his amazing kid.”

“We made it out of there,” Maddie repeated. “We got out, made a life for ourselves, and they don’t get to lay any claim on it. We did that, not them, and neither of us owe them anything.”

They walked back to the hotel, feeling better, and got ready for bed. It wasn’t even that late out, but Buck was fading, and Maddie clearly was as well.

“Come on, we’re going to go back to some Buckley roots,” Maddie grabbed the pillows and heaped them onto his bed.

“What are we doing?”

“Evan, we faced our aunt and cousin, had to listen to a fucking will reading, and had more emotional conversations in the past few hours than we did in the last year. I want to cuddle with my brother, so go get changed, and then get your ass on the bed with me.” Buck did as he was told, slipping back into his sweats, and then texting out a message to Eddie as Maddie changed.

>>> Buck: You were right. Maddie and I are okay.

“Come here,” Maddie tugged him over, until they were both under the covers facing each other.

“I thought I would be angrier,” Buck admitted. “When Dad came back, and when he died, I was so mad. And then mom came along and I was still mad, just, not as much.”

“It’s exhausting. To be angry for that long,” Maddie curled her hand around the covers. “Is it bad that I’m relieved that they’re gone?”

“No. I used to be scared that they would show up. That they would see me with Eddie, or Christopher, and all I could do was panic about it. And then I felt guilty. That I couldn’t offer either of them a stable family relationship.”

“I think we’ve done alright. It took a while, but we trust each other, right?”

“I was so happy when you came back, Maddie. I got my sister back, that’s all I wanted.”

“But you were angry at me. For leaving.”

“Before I was angry. Now, I’m not anymore, it’s like you said. Being angry all the time it’s exhausting.”

“Tomorrow, when we go to the cemetery, that’s the last time. The last time we feel anything for either of them,” Maddie declared. Buck moved closer, tucking his head against Maddie’s, and she threaded her fingers through the hair on the back of his head.

They had a family back in California, friends that had their backs, and Buck was ready to let their parents go. He had done fine without them, was doing better now even after they had tried to come back in, and Buck was positive that they would be alright in the future. Bringing his hand up from under the sheets, Buck held up a hand, extending his pinky finger.

“Promise?” Maddie smiled, hand coming up to mimic his, and linked her pinky finger with his.

“Promise.” Maddie didn’t let go, letting their hands fall to rest on the pillows.

“We’re going to be okay,” Buck said, recalling all the times he had heard those words spoken to him, knowing that just like before, they would be true. Maddie smiled and reached back for the remote control.

“Come on, let’s find something to watch.”

“You mean something that we can fall asleep to,” Buck corrected. Maddie shrugged.

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“Nope,” Buck stretched, still holding onto Maddie’s hand, and settled in. Maddie pressed against him and clicked on the TV, dropping her head onto his shoulder, and Buck smiled.


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning comes too early. The blaring of the alarm from Maddie’s phone, set to a shrill chiming noise, has Buck groaning and reaching for his pillow. Every fiber of his being whines to stay here, curled up alongside his sister, but there are things to take care of today. They are scheduled to meet with the lawyer to official sign everything over to their pre-planned people and organizations, as well as going off to the cemetery to see the graves of their parents. It is a lot of one person, let alone two, but one thing Buck knows about himself and his sister is that they are pretty resilient.

“Shut it off,” Buck begs when the alarm starts going off again after the first snooze. Maddie huffs, emerging from her side of the bed, hair a wild mess. They had fallen asleep during the second movie, something about a heist, Buck hadn’t been too focused on the plot.

“Are you always this grumpy in the morning?”

“Only when your alarm makes my head hurt.”

Maddie grabs the bathroom first, and Buck takes the opportunity to text Eddie, letting him know that they are doing okay. Buck still isn’t sure what the ramifications of this trip will be, likely a surge in nightmares, and Buck is already dreading his next therapy appointment. Talking about family matters is something that makes his skin crawl. Maddie finishes quickly, staring Buck down until he finally leaves the warmth of the bed, taking his clothes into the bathroom. The shower helped, waking him up, and he sped through his morning routine.

By the time he was ready to go, Maddie was as well, and they both left the room to go outside. The short walk to the lawyer’s office was quiet, neither of them talking much, wanting to get this meeting over with as quickly as possible. It was a different woman working at the front desk today and she directed them to a different floor and room number. The lawyer greeted them with a firm handshake, gesturing them to sit down, before taking out the stack of papers that had been present in front of him yesterday.

“Now, I just want to go over what you are currently signing off on, as well as the fact that neither of you plan on taking the money or properties into your own possession.”

“The money would be better used towards our friends and family,” Maddie said. “The properties are pointless; neither of us travel much due to our line of work.”

“I understand, but this is a substantial amount of money, Miss Buckley,” He insisted. “Most people would jump at the chance to inherit something like this.”

“Our mother didn’t care about much other than her job and being a parent when it suited her,” Buck cut it. “My sister and I have worked hard for what we have today. That money won’t ever be used by us, it’s better off being spent by the people we love, which would have undoubtedly pissed our mother off.”

She would have hated that her money would be spent outside of the family, even the children she had practically forgotten about, watching strangers use it towards something good. Which they would; May for college, new adaptive gear for Chris, anything that Harry, Denny, or Nina could use.

“What my brother means,” Maddie sighed. “Is that neither of us wants her money. It doesn’t mean much and, to be honest, the fact that she left it to us after everything is more of a kick to the fact than a gift.”

“If you two are sure,” The lawyer slides the papers over, placing two pens down on the table, and points out with his own pen to several lines. “I need signatures and initials on these spaces.”

They sign everything over, as well as any last-minute tasks to ensure the new trusts, and complete the paperwork so that the properties go to the right places. Buck wonders if his aunt is still raving mad over what they’ve done, likely furious that she hadn’t gotten everything.

“That’s the last one,” The man took the papers and stood. “I’ll finish processing these and contact you when they go through. If there are any difficulties or questions, I will be in touch.”

They leave shortly after that, Buck not feeling an ounce of regret, glad that for once one of his parents could do something good for the rest of them. They decide to stop at a small bakery for breakfast, savoring their pastries and coffee, trying to avoid thinking about what they were going to do next. The cemetery was too far to walk so they ended up taking a cab. There, they talked to the grounds keeper, scanned the map and list of names, finding their parents within a few minutes. How the two had gotten church burials was a mystery.

See, Buck knew his family wasn’t religious; he remembered going once or twice with his grandparents, never his parents, and he and Maddie never kept up the practice. Maybe their aunt wrote a check in order to make it happen. The plot was towards the left back end, shaded by several trees, a peaceful atmosphere surrounding the space. There was another family a few rows away, paying attention to the stone and putting down new plants, so Buck let his eyes wander away from them.

There was one stone for his parents, placed next to his parents, and an old uncle that neither him or Maddie had ever met. The Buckley family had always been small.

“Seems like the ground has been taken care of by someone,” Maddie said after a moment.

“Should we have brought flowers?” Buck asked. “Not for them, but for Grandpa and Grandma, at least.” He didn’t remember those funerals.

“I think they would understand,” Maddie reached down to take his hand. “I feel like we should say something, I don’t know, meaningful bullshit that makes this all worth it.”

“How about,” Buck pondered. “We made it out alive and did it all without your help?”

“Yeah, something like that,” Maddie laughed lowly. “I don’t think I can ever forgive them, you know? For all the bullshit they put me through, and all the stuff you had to go through.”

“None of it was your fault.”

“I wasn’t there, Evan, and I should have been. Not only that, but I waited so long to reconnect with you.”

“You came back,” Buck argued. “That counts, Mads, that counts for so much.”

It meant too much for him to put it into words. Buck used to, and still did at times, have this crippling fear that everyone he knew and loved would leave him. Or, on the other hand, force him to leave in order to protect himself. He had left his old family for the new one he found in LA. Then, he dealt with the possibility of losing his new family after the bombing and lawsuit. Those fears weren’t as strong as they used to be, now simply hiding under the surface, only coming up on the worst days.

“Our kids won’t ever have to doubt that we love them,” Maddie continued. “We’ve love them so much they won’t have to want for anything.”

“Eddie once asked me why I had so much patience with Christopher,” Buck said, thinking back to that night, curled up on Eddie’s couch, the two of them both several beers in. “I told him that no kid should have to question if the person taking care of them cared about them. I never wanted Chris to feel like that.”

Frankly, no kid should have to feel that, and that was what made him so protective when they had to deal with children during a call. Fuck any orders Bobby gave him, if he had to put himself between danger and a kid, he’d do it.

“You love him like your own,” Maddie surmised. “I told Howie I want kids, not now, but someday.” Instantly, Buck’s mind was running wild. Picturing a little kid with Chimney’s hair, or Maddie’s eyes, happy and loved.

“Any kid would be lucky to have parents like you,” Buck would know, he had practically been raised by Maddie until she left for college, and Buck himself loved kids.

“You would be a great uncle,” Maddie shifted on her feet. “Is it bad that I’m relieved that they are both gone? I know Elliot wanted to keep in touch, but I don’t want that, not after all this.”

“If that’s what you want,” Buck said. Maddie turned so that she was fully facing him.

“Evan, after what you told me, I don’t want anyone else from here talking to us.”

“It wasn’t his fault,” Buck knew it was a weak excuse.

“No, it wasn’t, but he is also still connected to his mother. Whatever you decide it your choice,” Maddie tipped his face up so their eyes met. “You once told me that you wanted to be between whatever could hurt me. I’m doing the same for you.”

“I don’t want to talk to him, not now,” Buck finally said. “Maybe someday.”

Elliot was complicated; at one point, they had been close. Now, those memories were tinged with pain and anger. Buck wasn’t quite there, yet, not ready to talk and have Elliot be back in his life for any length of time. Someday, perhaps, when Buck had worked through it more.

“Whatever you decide.” Maddie affirmed. “You know, I do have to thank them for one thing.”

“Why do you have to thank them?”

“They gave me you,” Maddie bumped his shoulder.

“That is so cheesy, Maddie,” Buck laughed. It sounded out of place in a place like this, the noise carrying over before dropping off, and Maddie smiled.

“It’s true. I got a brother out of all this, they can’t take that away, no matter how hard they tried.”

“I’m glad we didn’t take any of it,” Buck knew the money would be a shock to their friends and family. “I hope they are rolling over in their graves.”

“If they aren’t now, they will be,” Maddie said.

“I wonder who would be more shocked over what we've done to end up here,” Buck mused. “You getting rid of Doug or me getting together with Eddie.”

“Daughter that killer her abusive piece of shit ex-husband in self-defense or estranged bisexual son that ended up with a military man and is co-parenting a kid together, that is a tough one,” Maddie said. “You want to know the best part of all of this? They don’t get to say anything on it, we get to leave them behind, and spend the rest of our lives without them.”

“Come on,” Buck said, tugging Maddie away from the stone in front of them. He briefly stared at the tombstone for his grandparents, and his uncle, before moving his eyes forward. “Let’s go. We’ve spent enough time being all dark and depressing.”

Maddie didn’t disagree, following alongside him as they walked over the pavement, sometimes pausing to look closer at a particularly interesting stone. Before long, they were back at the front gate.

“I think we need to go get some lunch,” Maddie decided. “Then, we are going to go out and do something fun before we have to leave tomorrow.”

“What fun thing do you want to do?”

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I feel like bringing something happy and useful back home.” Maddie smirked at him. “Plus, I don’t think you’ll be able to go back to Eddie and Chris without something for the both of them.”

Buck laughed outright at that. Hen had once explained the concept of guilt gifts to him, something parent did when they had to leave their kids for any period of time, and Buck hadn’t needed much prodding to get onboard. Hell, Christopher had sent him over with his own stuffed animal.

“Alright,” Buck pulled out his phone to look up potential lunch places. “Let’s get lunch and then we can go find a place to shop.” Beside him, the cemetery didn’t seem too intimidating, and neither did the people it housed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only two more chapters till this story wraps up. Your comments are wonderful, thanks for all the love you show this story <3


	10. Chapter 10

“Which set would have Eddie less likely to get mad at me?” Buck asked as he held up two boxes. “Beginner chemistry set or a beginner geologist kit, complete with rock tumbler?” Maddie pursed her lips and tapped the geology kit.

“I’m sure he would like that one, doesn’t he like to collect all types of rocks when you go to the park or the beach?”

“Yeah, but he also likes to mix stuff together,” Buck looked between the two boxes before tossing both of them into the little basket. “I’ll get both.”

“You spoil him,” Maddie chuckled. They had been walking around for the last few hours, finding the small villager shopping center and wandering around the different shops. There was a good mix of modern shops, in addition to different stalls that had homemade goods, many of them from the Amish community.

“This coming from the woman who bought multiple jars of bath salts just because they have Chimney’s favorite scent.”

“It’s relaxing! Have you ever used bath salts?” Maddie defended. Buck laughed.

“Nah, never saw the appeal. Besides, I’m not a huge fan, not after Hen told us about the call she dealt with about the guy who used them.” The current shop they were in was a small kid’s store. Buck brought his basket up to the counter, paying for the two kits, and hoping that Eddie wouldn’t be too annoyed that the kitchen table might be getting ruined for the umpteenth time.

“Let’s go check out that one,” Maddie indicated to one of the Amish stalls outside, where there were different wares displayed on the table, and Buck nodded.

The lady was nice, pointing out what was on sale, including several handmade quilts. Buck’s eyes went straight for the one sitting off to the side, a large quilt that had squares of blue, green, and brown. There were little vines stitched into the borders and Buck knew that Eddie would love it. Eddie loved blankets. Heavy ones, fuzzy ones, didn’t matter what type, if there was a blanket in the area, chances were that Eddie would be taking it for his own.

“My granddaughter made this one,” The woman said.

“She’s got a talent for it. It’s beautiful,” Buck replied. “How much?” While Maddie was looking through the smaller fabrics, Buck paid for the blanket, grinning as the woman wrapped it up and passed it back to them.

“Have a wonderful day.”

“You, too. Tell you granddaughter the blanket is amazing.”

“Have you talked to anyone today?” Maddie asked as they started walking towards the main part of the village.

“Eddie, mainly. Christopher was texting a bit, too. How’s Chimney?”

“Ready for us to come home,” Maddie brushed the hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. “I can’t wait until we leave tomorrow.”

“Me either,” Buck shifted the bags to his other hand. “Eddie might not let me out of the house after this.”

That was the understatement of the year. Eddie was instinctually protective, and since this whole thing had begun, his boyfriend hadn’t let up. Going out to work might be the closest he would get to leaving before Eddie started to relax. And that wasn’t even factoring in Christopher.

“When do we tell them about what we did?”

“As soon as we can,” Buck knew he wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret and he didn’t want to. That sort of thing could easily become a secret that could cause future arguments.

“Then we tell them as soon as we can. Maybe over dinner or something,” Maddie pondered. “I can’t wait to sleep in my own bed.”

“You do have a bed back at the hotel,” Buck pointed out.

“Yes, but I’ve missed cuddling with you. We used to do that all the time.”

“Back when we were smaller and thought trying to squish into a twin sized bed was cool,” Buck laughed and then twisted away as Maddie pinched his side. “Hey!”

“Well, excuse me for wanting to spend some time with my little brother,” Maddie said.

“Not that little anymore.”

“You could grow another foot and you will still be my little brother. Deal with it, Evan.” They stopped by a little cart, one selling hand crafted lemonade, and Maddie bought one for each of them. There was an empty bench off to the side and they sat down, people watching as they sipped their drinks, enjoying the relative peaceful environment.

“I’m not sad that we came here,” Maddie said as she set aside her empty cup. “It sucked, I won’t lie about that, but we did it.”

“I don’t ever want to come back to the east coast,” Buck had traveled a lot prior to settling down; all the different states before he ended up leaving for South America, before walking away from the SEALs, before deciding that California was as close to home as he could get. “I might miss the snow if anything.”

He missed the change of the seasons, missed the promise of cool fall weather or the anticipation for the first snow fall. But even snow had been marred a bit; Buck couldn’t help recalling the blood on the patches of snow and grass from where Maddie had bleed. How Buck had ran for miles through the woods, uncaring of the wetness in his shoes or that his hands were numb from the cold ground as they pushed him back up.

“We can always go somewhere else for the snow,” Maddie reminded him.

“We should make a trip out of it,” Buck said. “I don’t think Christopher has ever seen snow. And Chimney would enjoy it.”

“And Eddie?”

“He’d like it as long as we were having fun,” Buck smiled, thinking back to the small trips that Eddie had planned in the past, more focused on having his son and boyfriend enjoy themselves, rather than himself.

“You guys are so sappy,” Maddie sighed. “Are you going to tell Eddie about what we talked about yesterday?”

“I told him. Called him after you left,” Buck watched as people walked pass them, absorbed in their own conversations, and he put his own empty cup aside. “He doesn’t know everything, just enough to know that something happened, and that’s enough for him.”

“Chimney knows something happened. With both of us, he knows that what happened with Doug wasn’t the only source of abuse,” Maddie huffed. “I’m thinking of going back to therapy after this.”

“You hate therapy,” Buck said, surprised, and Maddie snorted.

“No more than you do,” Maddie stretched her legs out. “I went last time because work forced me. This time I want to try going for myself.”

“It’s hard, at first,” Buck warned.

It had taken him the better part of a year to warm back up to the idea of therapy, and even then, confronting the real reasons why he was afraid of it took longer. In some regards, Eddie had a better reaction to the sessions.

“What isn’t?” Maddie tilted her head back and closed her eyes. “We’ve got too much trauma between the two of us.”

Buck wasn’t about to argue that point. It had taken him a while to come to terms with that and he was still working on it. There were times when he would say something, either with Eddie or during therapy, and he’d be asked to look at it more in depth. Which led to some uncomfortable conversations that spotlighted that some form of abuse or neglect had occurred.

“I think it would be good for you,” Buck said. “I don’t know if Eddie and I will ever have more kids, but I don’t want to make the same mistakes mom and dad made with us with him.”

“Does that scare you? Turning out like them?” Maddie asked. “Because I do. I wonder if when I have a kid, will I despise them like dad? Or distance myself like mom?”

“You wouldn’t,” Buck refused to think that Maddie would repeat the same mistakes.

“I left you. Twice,” Maddie pointed out. “How can you say that I haven’t made the same mistakes?”

“You didn’t do it maliciously. You had to go away to college, Mads, you couldn’t take me with you.” Buck took a breath and braced himself for the next part. “Doug wouldn’t have let you take me either. You tried and that counts more than whatever they claimed to do.”

“Well, you are stuck with me now.” Maddie poked his arm.

“Come on,” Buck got up, tossing his empty cup in the trashcan nearby, and stretched his arms. “We’ve got a little more time before we have to head back.”

They walked around some more, deciding to order in and eat at the hotel, not feeling terrible that they didn’t explore the city more. The food was good, it was hard to mess up a pizza, and Buck wasn’t picky about it.

“We should call our guys,” Maddie said after the last slice was gone.

“You take the room, I’ll take the balcony.” It was warm out, and Buck took a seat on the longue chair, and clicked on Eddie’s number. It rang twice before it connected.

“Hey! I was just about to call you,” Hearing Eddie’s voice caused whatever tension that was leftover from the day to bleed away.

“Great minds think alike,” Buck chuckled. “I’m really excited to see you tomorrow.”

“How did it go today?”

“It went,” Buck didn’t want to get into it again.

“And you’re okay with how it went?” Eddie didn’t sound annoyed. “Yeah, Maddie and I don’t feel bad about what we did. Our aunt was pissed off, which is normal for her, so whatever.”

“So, what exactly did the will say?”

“Most of the stuff was left to us,” Buck bit his lip. “Can I tell you something right now? I don’t think I’ll be able to hold onto this until I see you tomorrow.”

“Sure, whatever you want to talk about.”

“There was enough money left over to make several trust funds. For all the kids,” Buck said. “I made one for Christopher. So, those forms should be coming in the mail during the next few weeks.”

There was silence over the line for several moments, all of which Buck waited anxiously, wondering if he might have overstepped. Eddie didn’t ask for financial help, hated it really, and Buck didn’t have a lot of time to think about how Eddie might feel about this.

“You made a trust fund for Christopher,” Eddie repeated. “That’s what you did with the money?”

“I don’t want any of it. If it goes to Christopher, and the others, then at least it’s getting used in a positive way.”

“You made a trust fund for our kid,” Eddie sounded breathless. “How are you even real?”

“So, you aren’t mad that I did that?”

“Evan, I’m standing in the middle of the bunk room pissed off that I can kiss you senseless right now. Of course, I’m not mad!”

“Hopefully the others feel the same way when they get the news,” Buck felt better, knowing that Eddie wasn’t angry, and Eddie immediately jumped back in.

“Buck, you flew across the country to deal with this and you and Maddie managed to do something good for the rest of us. When you didn’t need to and had no requirement to do so.” Eddie laughed and Buck smiled at the sound. “Just so you know, you’ll probably be tackled when you get home. I guess no one told Athena until you were already on the plane.”

“Oh, boy, Mom’s mad,” Buck joked. “I’ll text her later and let her know everything is alright.”

“We can talk more about the other stuff later on, when I can hug you, so tell me what you did with Maddie today.”

Buck launched into a run-down of the day, keeping the purchases under wraps, as he wanted to surprise them when he gave them. They talked for over an hour, Buck saying goodbye shortly after that; they had an early flight and Eddie couldn’t stay on the phone forever since he was working. Buck went back inside, curling up next to Maddie, relieved that this whole thing was almost over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delayed update, but I hope it was worth it! Leave a comment or a kudos if you wish :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we've reached the end...

Walking down the airport hall, Buck had to hold himself back from breaking into a run like he wanted. Just because he had, to quote Hen, Daddy Long Legs, didn’t mean Maddie did, so he hung back to keep pace with his sister. They were tired, in need of a shower to wash the feeling of the airport off their skin, and more than ready to get back to their family. They turned the corner, Buck breaking out into a wide grin, eyes zoning in on the trio waving by the stairs.

“Buck!” Christopher was frantically waving one arm, the other wrapped around Eddie’s neck, as his dad held him up in his arms; Christopher’s crutches were tucked against his side. Chimney was smiling, holding a sign, clearly made by Christopher, which read: Welcome home!

It felt like it took eons, not seconds, to close the distance. Dropping his carry-on, Buck opened his arms and Eddie moved in to greet him, Buck soon having his arms around both his boys.

“Welcome home,” Eddie cooed into his ear, pressing a kiss to his cheek, seeing that Buck had his nose buried into Christopher’s curls.

“I missed you two so much,” Buck was not about to cry in the middle of the airport. Having Eddie and Chris back in his space was the signal that his body was waiting for, allowing him to release that final tread of tension, and Christopher reached up to circle his arms around Buck’s neck.

“Do you like the sign? I made it this morning,” Christopher gestured to the poster still held by Chimney. Maddie and Chimney were locked in a tight embrace, and he could hear faint murmuring, though no audible words could be made out. That was fine; this was as close to a private moment they would be getting in a public setting.

“It’s great, buddy, thank you for making it.”

“Come on,” Eddie settled his hand against Buck’s back and bent to grab his bag off the floor. “Let’s get your suitcase and start heading home.” The five of them made the walk down to baggage claim. Chimney, still holding onto Maddie, grabbed Buck in an awkward side-hug.

“No more Buckley bad luck, got it? We are done for the rest of the year and the next.”

“Sounds good to me,” Buck would hate to see that luck passed along, even if there was a chance that he’d get a break from the universe. “How’s everyone else doing?”

“We’re okay,” Eddie said from his other side. “Better now that you two are back.”

At the parking lot, the group broke up. Maddie and Buck, who didn’t need to say goodbye in many words, simply hugged one another and promised to call sometime tomorrow. Christopher, who was not so patiently waiting in the back of the truck, patted the seat beside him.

“Buck, sit with me,” Christopher demanded. Buck was nudged forward by Eddie as he moved into the drivers seat and slipped inside, Christopher smiling as Buck clicked his seatbelt on. While they drove, Buck was brought up to date on everything that had happened since the last time they talked. Christopher was in the middle of telling him about his new science project, this time on different ecosystems, when they got home. “You’ll help, right Buck?” Christopher asked. Eddie chuckled.

“Mijo, let Buck relax a bit before asking him to help with your homework. He’s not going anywhere.”

“He’s right, Chris, you’re stuck with me now,” Buck reassured him.

“Good,” Christopher got down by himself before tightly taking Buck’s hand and pulling him towards the door. Eddie, saddled with the bags again, followed behind and placed the stuff by the kitchen table. Christopher, clearly on a mission as he booked it to his room, gave Eddie the chance to take Buck fully in his arms.

“I’m so glad you’re home,” Eddie said.

“I missed you. I don’t ever want to have to leave for something like that ever again,” Buck sniffed.

“You’ll never have to. It’s done and you’re home, with us, you left all that behind.” Eddie took his weight, letting Buck take his fill, not rushing him to let go, even as Christopher came back into view.

“Is Buck okay?” Christopher worried.

“Just needed a hug,” Buck noticed Eddie’s concerned gaze at the shakiness of his voice. “Come on, let’s get comfy, I missed my daily Christopher cuddles.” As they piled onto the couch, Buck in the middle with Christopher and Eddie sandwiching him in, he smiled.

“Are you not that sad now that you’re back?” Christopher had never pulled his punches, always asking the hard questions right out of the gate, and he didn’t wait long regarding this.

“I’m still a little sad,” Buck was honest. “I’ll be okay, though, I promise.”

“Dad said I could stay home from school tomorrow.” Buck wondered how that conversation had gone down and just how serious that bartering had been.

“Then I guess I’ll be feeling better in no time.”

Buck tried to keep himself animated, despite the jet lag that was setting in more and more over the next hour. Christopher was half-turned on his chest, fingers playing with Buck’s hand, while Eddie combed his hair.

“I think it’s time for a family nap,” Eddie declared.

“I’m staying with Buck,” Christopher’s voice was firm.

“We both are, Chris, come on, off to the bed big,” Eddie nudged. The trio walked down the hall, where they quickly piled into the bed, Buck in the middle again.

“Dad got me a new book. I can read it to you,” Christopher pulled over the book, that had been placed on the bedside table, and started to read. Buck listened, trying to stay awake as long as he could, before he couldn’t fight the pull of sleep anymore.

It was dark when he woke up; Christopher was out cold on his left side, book forgotten on the side. Eddie, who looked to have been awake for some time now, met his gaze.

“Finally awake this time?”

“This time?”

“You almost woke up a couple hours ago.” Buck wasn’t sure about that, but he believed Eddie; it happened sometimes, where one of them would be half-awake, holding a conversation, only to forget the entire thing later.

“Did I say anything?”

“Just to tell me to stay still,” Eddie said. “I tried to move Christopher to his bed, to give you more room, but you stopped me.”

“Stage five clinger,” Buck chuckled. Eddie rolled his eyes as he gazed down to look at him. “He totally gets that from you.”

“Not my fault you’re a giant space heater,” Eddie threw back. “Are you feeling up for some food? Or do you want to try and get some more sleep?” Buck yawned and he contemplated it. Going back to sleep sounded great, only if he did, there was a chance he wouldn’t be sleeping tonight.

“Let’s figure out the food situation,” Buck decided. “What do we have to cook up?”

“You aren’t cooking, carino, I think we’re due for some take-out.” There was some back and forth before deciding on Chinese; at least Christopher would get some vegetables with limited bribing. They stayed in bed, talking softly, pausing every now and again when Christopher would shift beside Buck.

“I don’t feel bad about cutting them out,” Buck said after some time. “Elliot wanted to rebuild our relationship. I didn’t.”

“That’s okay,” Eddie wouldn’t judge him for that, not when he faced something similar with his own parents.

“I just couldn't look at him. Seeing him brought up so much. Having him more involved in my life, and Maddie’s, it just seems like I’m asking for trouble,” Buck frowned.

“Hey, you know I’ll have your back, whatever you decide. If you want to reach out down the line, then I’ll support you.” Buck smiled and hummed as Eddie kissed him.

“So, what fun stuff is on the agenda for what's left of today and tomorrow?”

“Well, I’m fairly certain that Christopher is going to walk you through every new drawing and play scenario. He isn't likely to let you out of his sight anytime soon.”

"I got you both stuff," Buck admitted. "Maddie and I took a side trip, we wanted something positive to come out of this. So, this is your only heads-up that Christopher's gift might destroy the table."

"I think I can handle a messy table."

Eddie left to get the food and instructed Buck to wake Christopher up. It wasn’t hard, going between gently rubbing his back, saying his name, and once those eyes were open, a brief tickling to his sides.

“Wake up, little man,” Buck said, swinging Chris into his arms. “Let’s go eat.”

“Wanna stay with you,” Christopher was still half-asleep.

“You can, honey, I’m not going anywhere,” Buck reassured. “No more solo trips for me.”

The longer he spent at home, with his boys, the more Buck knew that the decisions he made over the last few days were the right ones. He didn’t regret the choices he and Maddie made regarding the inheritance; there was no stress or pressure to continue communication with those left behind on the East coast.

“Dad missed you,” Christopher said, rubbing his eyes as they walked down the hall. “He said the house was too quiet.”

“Well, then I guess we’ll have to make up for all that lost time,” Buck pressed another kiss into Christopher’s hair.

Eddie had dished out the meal, plates waiting at their usual chairs, and Buck carefully lowered Chris onto his chair. The meal was lively, full of light conversation, and Buck was smiling and laughing the entire time. It was a sharp contrast to the ones he had been having with Maddie.

“How do you feel about kicking your Dad’s butt on the video console?”

“Yeah!” Christopher was off like a flash, already talking about the different games they could play. Eddie snorted as he started the clear off the table.

“Oh, sure, team up against me,” Eddie said. Buck wrapped himself around Eddie as the plates were dumped into the sink.

“Well, we are your favorite duo. You’ve said so yourself.”

“I know. Doesn’t mean you have to tell Christopher that. Now he’ll never listen to me again.”

“He’ll listen to you. You’re a good dad,” Buck insisted. “Besides, everyone knows that I’m the pushover in the family. I can’t say no to him if I tried.”

“You don’t cave where it counts,” Eddie turned and brought his hands up to cup his face. “Can you answer me something?”

“Sure.”

“How are you doing?” Eddie asked, face soft, even though his eyes had several levels of concern.

“I’m alright. Might have some nightmares or whatever later on,” Buck allowed himself to cave a little against Eddie. He knew that Eddie had him. “I'm not at hundred percent, but I’m getting there.”

“You’ll tell me about it if it starts to bother you,” Eddie knew how Buck dealt with emotional stress. Pushing it down, ignoring it, until it got lose and laid destruction to everything. "What you told me about over the phone took a lot of trust and I'm so proud of you for that. I don't want this to eat away at you."

“I will. It’s just hard to get it out,” Buck said. “And before you ask, yes, I have a session lined up already.”

“Look at us, talking about our traumas and going to therapy like adults.”

“Dad! Buck! Come on,” Christopher called out as he waved a controller in the air.

“Coming!” They both said at the same time.

Once again, Buck was in the middle, playing up the act of being competitive when Eddie tried to use his elbows to cost Buck the win. To get him back, Buck helped Christopher with the button combinations, causing Eddie to lose in less than a minute. Despite their nap earlier in the day, Christopher started to flag.

“I think it’s time for bed,” Eddie declared.

“Can we sleep in the big bed again?” Christopher asked.

“Sure,” Eddie knew that if he said no, there was a high chance Chris would wiggle his way in regardless in the middle of the night. Their kid had already snuck in several stuffed animals, including the Dory fish given to Buck days before, the stuffies floating between the sheets. Buck watched, heart full, as Christopher went through his bedtime routine, Eddie pulling him along. Buck might not be completely over everything that had happened, but he was home, surrounded by his family and friends. So was Maddie.

They would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have been incredible throughout this story! Thank you so much for your countless kudos and comments!

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment and let me know how you like it :) Stay safe out there peeps.


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